i only can say to the left.

mein linke linke platz frei, ich wunschen mier Stefan herbai!

i'm 2+2

thanks mum, dad, and bro for the heart-warming wishes. that's all i need from you all.

thanks stefan for lightening up my morning with tulips and ending the beautiful night with me. thanks for the note.
me love you long long time :)

thanks ed for lending the set to make it all happen. thanks jerry & kevin for the presence.

almost overdosed

rain is falling
my mind is trying
work is pilling
my heart's left wanting

28/09/2010

"I love you so much that only William Shakespeare can describe it"

Quoted at 28 September 2010, 12am

how did we ended up here

One year ago I would hate the position I would be in now.
Why didn't I had a choice to do what I wanted. Why there is always something getting in my way. Why is it so unfair?!
Why? Why? Why?
I blame, I complain, I frown and I sighed.

Now, right where I am standing, looking back I am glad of what had happened. I am thankful for whatever I hated to happen. Because I know if that hadn't happen I wouldn't be here.

I always knew everything happen for a reason. It's the way lives intercept with one another. It's like you will know what the picture is when the final puzzle has been put in place. Only you will realise the beauty of the ending.

But no human can escape uncontentment. When you are at your comfort zone, you start to worry that eventually one day what you have will disappear and you are back to square one.

so you fear, you paranoid and you start losing yourself and regret. and the whole cycle starts again.

you may lose all you had, but one thing you never lose is the fact that you once had it. whether it's good or bad. you know it's what made you who you are today.

When family meets boyfriend

My uncle and aunt came visiting again to Melbourne. They invited me for dinner and specially requested for my german boyfriend to come along. I definitely saw this coming and I was just nervous. I imagine 7 of them versus 2 of us. It's like meeting the judge and jury for a court case except we didn't commit a crime, that's for sure.

I had confidence that Stefan could handle the pressure because he is just too in socialising and interacting with people. It's just me.. thinking too much as usual and doubting.

Luckily, everything was opposite as I feared. My family were friendly and outgoing and both party were clicking along. We had Peking Duck for dinner at Blackburn, good food, good wine, good chat, good laughter. What more can I ask. With my parents far away from me, my uncle, aunts and cousins are definitely my closest relative. For the first time after so many months, I felt like a real family gathering again, this time with one special person I would like to share with.

After dinner, we headed home to Richmond, my old place. We had some relaxing and spent some quality time as family with the cousins and their boyfriends and mine as well.

Stefan learnt some mahjong skills from my aunt and picked up really quick and I guess he had some beginniners luck and even won a few rounds.

Overall the night was wonderful, there was no need of "nervous" feeling at the first point. Definitely a night to remember :)

sweet misery

i day dream and i day dream alot. i day dream even before i sleep.



i often dream of life fastforwarding to some random time and place.



believe me or not i even rehearse a moment that i fear ot anticipate. I rehearse every possible words that i will speak or every possible act that i will do.

the outcome? always 50-50. either the best case or worst case senario.

as expected.