i'm not lost, i just haven't found my way.

Yet another memorable gathering

Terrene and I

Ivy and I

Church friends whom have been great company. Miss those times we used to gossip about anything and anyone. Glad that we still kept in touch after so long ;)

Last Gathering for 2010

Christie and I posing with WeiHon (our friend who just got back from Brisbane after such a long time)

Christie posing with Nooby, the star of the night! ATTENTION SEEKER!

The group photo of the night. Good friends whom have play important role in my life :) Thanks for the wonderful friendship all these years.

Sean definitely was the the professional "chef" of the night.

The ingredients for the BBQ

One of the most look forward gathering once I touchdown KL is yesterday's BBQ at my place. It was really all about spending time catching up with close friends. Thanks people for coming for the BBQ and it was a great night of fun and laughters and lastly I hope no matter where we are at, we could always keep in touch. :)

Malaysian's pride. This proves KL has heaps of sexy chick

冬至快乐

December 22 every year marks one of my favourite Chinese festival - The colourful flour ball festival (I named it myself),

Honestly, after 22 years of celebrating this day I still don't really know whats the meaning or true history behind it.

All I know is i get to eat yummy colourful flour ball in sugar water..I like pink and green in particular without fillings.

In addition to this festival, December 22nd is also my parents wedding anniversary, so it's a double celebration. HOORAY!

p/s: The pictures show actual process of making those flour balls, it tasted absolutely yummy~!

M.Y.E.S

Reason no. 937736365242452142 why i love Kuala Lumpur.

- Malaysia Year End Sales

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

-Rudyard Kipling-

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost-

that is the kinda life you could only dream of

and i will be going there..Neuschwanstein Castle.

snow snow go away..when Elaine comes to Europe

Dear snow cloud please be nice to me. I really don't want my whole travel schedule to be screwed up. I don't want my planes and trains to be delayed. Please not let it be a miserable study tour. I have planned alot and I am looking forward to alot. I love snow, you are pretty and lovely but please have mercy on my January. I have too much to do and my time is limited... :(

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40473976/ns/weather/

Zara Autumn/Winter Collection 2010

Gimme some more lovin

Happiness is Independent

I was in the hospital today for a consultation earlier. I saw a poster about fighting depression.

Can't believe that depression is such a serious sickness that people actually post awareness about it. After all some people believes depression could be the source of other more sever ailments such as heart attack, cancer, suicidal attempts, stroke, high blood pressure etc.

Not sure if I suffered from depression before, but I believe it is as contagious as any other viruses or bacterial. It does not attack physically but mentally and emotionally, which is even more prone than any physical way.

I believe the ultimate cure to depression is to stay happy. People nowadays find it so hard to be happy. Because of stress from family? work? relationships?

For me, I think happiness is the key to a happy and healthy living. I tried to understand ways of staying happy and in my foundings I realised that happiness should be independent of people and objects. It is a selfish thing. Being happy means doing yourself favour and not let others affect you. It's like doing whatever your heart desire without worrying about what other thinks or how it would end up. It's a feeling of believing, hoping and never looking back and regretting.

If you're an adult, you should held accountable for yourself and not let anyone destroy this accountability you have because this can be the very thing that will keep your life happy and more meaningful.

When I grow up..

When we were young, we are always asked when we grow up, what is your ambition?

I always came up with crazy ambitions such as forensic pathologist, lawyer, veterinarian, pilot, singer etc. Most of the time, I get all this ideas from movies, books and other people. As I grow older, my ambitions get more and more flickered, i can't even decide.

Until I have to make a decision whether to pursue studies in art or science stream, I know I am one step closer to narrowing down my choices. However, for the safe side I chose science stream. It definitely wasn't because I like studying chemistry, physic or biology. It was more like as an insurance for me in case if I change my mind last minute to art. I studied for the advantage of choosing.

Then, I went to university, I have to deal with my true interest. It was tough and I had to decide. I tried being honest - I hate science. I guess I have to go for art after all.

Okay great. ART- It's such a broad category. I still have to CHOOSE.

So I went for the most ideal art subject - Business. That's how I ended up having a bachelor in business and commerce. Not too bad. I like accounting. I always think that accountants are people who make big money. Definitely the most prospective job among all business and commerce job. Next step, I majored in accounting and econometrics. I find econometrics an easy minor to pull up my grades.

Finally, I am 3/4 done with my Masters of Finance and I could already see what I would be doing in half a year time.

Can you still believe how choices would lead to the shape of your future? Finance was definitely not in my top 10 ambitions when I was young. I can't exactly say finance is my favourite field but I tried. Through the process, I have learnt to like this field as well, and as I proceeded with it I realised this could be one of my passion too.

Despite that, I do see people who were determined to do whatever it takes to be the person they see themselves in when they were 8 or 10 years old. I could truly say that these are people who follows their heart.. I wish I could be like them. Oh well, I am happy with the choices I made and I've never regretted every single bit of it.

is the world around me mobilize or immobilize?

Maybe I grew up in a world where things always stays the same, 1 month, 1 year, 10 years.. and still no change. This makes me feel that it's sort of like a death sentence like once you're doing it, you have no escape and it will forever be doomed to be your routine.

Is it because these people just prefer to stay in their comfort zone or is it because they don't even stand a chance to make a change?

I guess it's up to me to explore, whatever it is I am willing it to give it a try before calling it quit. I don't want to be a blind sheep that live on one side of the pasteur only.

Who knows 10 years later I will writing another blog in respond to this blog to answer the question....

connought pasar malam revisited

so far in KL

I just realised KL is a place for year end vacation. When everyone is working hard hard hard, I'm chilling hard hard hard. I feel kinda guilty for it.

I am anything but being productive.

Oh well this will not last long. One more month and I am up and going on the run all the time. So let me pamper myself with food and sleep for now..

My Part Time Job - Babysitting a puppy

Hi all,

I am employed without salary so I am basically doing some sort of community service or voluntary job. My job is picking up poo, cleaning pee, feeding pup and walking him.

I have always dreamt of having my own pup but now that I have, it's kinda like the dream that you never want it to come true.

The main problem is that Noobie (pup's name) is not trained to control it's pee, so it PEES everywhere it goes IN THE HOUSE. I am in desperate need to teach him some basic dog manners, anyone with any suggestions? In return I will give you some scooby snacks..ops. I mean yummy snacks ;)

p/s: He is just 4 months old.

Kay Elle

It's been 4 days I have been back in my hometown - the only truly Asia - Malaysia!

So much so have been happening since I came home and most of it involves eating. I have a strong feeling I am going to gain much more weight that I did in Melbourne. But.. whatever! It's holiday and this is KL. This is what people like me does.. EAT, SLEEP, SHOP.

under one roof

It is often said that luck is highly needed to get a good place to stay and good housemates. Well for me first time was a lucky charm as I get a really reasonable accommodation which is convenient and affordable but most importantly I have really kind and friendly housemates which make my stay in melbourne even more meaningful. Celeste and Alejandro is their name, we have a multicultural thing going on in 193/416 St Kilda Road. One from China, one from Columbia and one from Malaysia.

I will definitely miss my stay at this lovely place I once called home.

Seems like just yesterday but at a different place

Today was a lovely day to start with. I had breakfast with Natasha, Emy and Syarlene, my three high school friends that I had not been in contact with since high school which is like 5 years ago. It felt just like yesterday we were still in the same school and class together doing things teenage do just that we are now all grown ups studying any different places around the world, doing different things and leading different life and ironically meeting up at the same place at one point of time. We had a good catch up session, bringing up those time when we were in high school, gossiping about how "classmates" are. It was lovely catching up with old times, one of those moments which is so sentimental. Hope to see you girls soon in KL again and we'll have a lovely girls day out again.

4 months came by with a surprise

Love in Time of Cholera

The story speaks of a "faithful and loyal" Florentino Ariza who spent the rest of his life trying to gain the attention of his one and only beloved Fermina Daza even though she kinda dumped and rejected him again and again. Despite that, the story not only evolves around a love-hate routine of drama. It has some heart wrenching and alot of lustful and obscene moments, definitely not for those below the age of 15.

Seriously, would a guy wait for the girl he love for 53 years, 7 months, 11 days and nights? I know it's a book, but can such act be defined as an everlasting love? I'm pretty sure this is every girl's dream come true.

Wait, not only that how there be a book without a movie after it. YES there is a movie about it as well..

Anyways, the climax of the story starts pretty late so don't expect it to be interesting at first. A book worth to read for those who love romance novel.

p/s: The book is by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

The Final Moments of 2010 in Melbourne

Tomorrow I will be having my last exam for 2010 and I am done with academics for the year. I was reading my notes and I decided to let my imagination run wild for a while.
I imagine my room being empty as I moved out everything, I imagine how I used every space in this room, how this room have been sharing the past 10 months with me, how I decorated every interior from scratch. My first room away from home.

I miss this single bed which could create miracle of having two person squeeze into it. I miss my lovely windows facing the balcony of a beautiful sea view, I miss the funny sliding door which has infinite holes in it and is connected not by a latch but a plastic striper. I am going to miss this room. and all the memories that was build in it.

Despite that, it would be good to leave this room behind and search for a new room. A change of environment will keep me away from the nostalgic feeling that could be unbearable I believe.

Nevertheless, I will carry the memories of the room with me, everywhere I go...

Happiness is only real when shared

Saw this quote in the movie "Into The Wild", can't agree more with it. I remember someone special once told me the same... :)

Braced myself for the goodbye

Because that's all I ever know

city condo's swimming pool

i think i am damm stupid.
let me tell you why.

I live in this gorgeous condo for the past 8 months with a lovely swimming pool and gym.
BUT I only used the pool three times in the past 8 months.
The first time I swam in the pool with one of my high school friend, she hated the pool because she couldn't stand the salty water, so I thought maybe they forgot to maintain it. and I didn't give a crap. hoping for a cleaner pool the next time.

So. after a few weeks or months, I cant remember, I swam at the pool again, and this time it was still SALTY! my imagination started playing tricks with me, I was thinking could it be that some nasty discrete from the swimmers.....or... God knows what it is. I don't want to know. I even tried asking an old man who frequently swim at that pool why the pool water was always salty. And since then I don't want to swim in the pool again..

Yesterday, Stefan and I swam in the pool together, and I wanted to tell him to becareful that the water is salty, and my engineer boyfriend told me it's perfectly fine! It's a way of cleaning the pool besides the usual chlorine method which is more cheaper (that's why most pool or all use them), so now my swimming pool water is better than usual because it is salty?! he explained some sort of water recycling method which doesn't involved chemical. WHAT A RELIEF! YET STUPID PARANOID! now that I will be moving out in less than 3 weeks, I am going to lose out on what I had for the past 8 months. A CLEAN AND HEALTHY SWIMMING POOL! WHAT A JOKE! :(

R.I.P Paul

Paul the Octopus dies

Prayer List

1) I will be able to finish off the assignment and take home exam so I have enough time for my revision on econometrics and funds management exam.
2) I don't fall sick in this coming weeks
3)Noobie will get well from its eye infection (my home puppy)
4)Less rain more sun
5) Mind stop playing tricks with me

Thank you dear Lord, Amen :)

i hate monologues

me: stop whinning



other me: go on, you deserve it!



me: you're such a baby, toughen up!



other me: how....?



me: find it out yourself..

fear

fear will come silently without notice at the most vulnerable moment - like an opportunist waiting desperately, like a vulture preying on it's dying victim.

fear will mutate into your worst nightmare and attack you from your mind, the weakest spot in a human being - consume you slowly like poison spreading through the veins in your body.

fear will inch you nearer to despair and hopelessness.

fear will use your past mistakes against you.

fear will feast on you and eat you alive.

take what you need and be on your way

"Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow."
Romeo and Juliet ( Quote Act II, Scene II).


Oh my love,

How I wish you could be my morning rising sun, lifting me gently from the grasp of yesterday, kissing me with warmth of your lips, whispering words of comfort to my ears.
I hate to say goodbye, but I'd like to keep your presence with me. Please give me hope that you and I both will meet again and never to be parted again. This could be a sweet misery that I will endure no matter how long it takes.

"O, swear not by the moon, the fickle moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circle orb, Lest that thy love prove likewise variable." William Shakespeare quotes (English dramatist, playwright and poet, 1564-1616)

don't leave me speechless

Elaine's 3 Step Recipe to being Successful in Life

No 1: Know and Be Sure of What You Want
A ship can never reach its destination if the captain doesn't set the course right.
Whenever thinking of the future, one can be sure to feel uncertainties because of the probability of failure. But if you are able to focus your mind on the target and see yourself being at that position, it will surely give you courage to take a stride forward. Although at times it may seems so impossible, you will realise at the point where you are standing at now was once a glimpse of dream you had long long ago.

No 2: Be yourself
A sheep that is brave enough to jump over the fence will get greener grasses on the other side.
This is true. Everyone have the mentality that if everyone is doing something, then that something has to be the best and right thing. Let's say if it is, so what? It is what they do good in but not necessary what you do good in. I do best in what I am good in. So I follow what my mind, knowledge and interest. Some may call you stupid, dumb or profound but the stupidity is the stepping stone to something no one but only you who dare to take the first step to be different!

No 3: Optimism
Wise man are always right especially the older one. Always look at the cup as half full because in my opinion when I'm thirsty, if I kept thinking that the cup is half empty it will just make me feel even more thirstier. I guess it's a psychological thing but I have to admit it's damn true. Yes I'm pretty sure people always say there is ups and downs in life, sometimes I can't help but feel is it just me being jinx or bad luck that I often don't get things my way. But come to think about it, it's because I'm often whining and focusing on the bad side of not getting what I want. Just human nature of always not being contented with what one already have. When one bad thing happens, the world will end? Try think out of the box, optimism is what drives your enthusiasm and enthusiasm is what drives your performance. You could just D.I.Y, no need for whatsoever formula, just run a little positiveness through your brain and "WAHLA", you will see an open window. The world doesn't end when one window is closed, it's just a test of determination and make sure you pass it!


I certainly know it is easier said then done. But when this three are put together you may just thank me for revealing the 3 simple step to being successful!

p/s: this post is applied to me myself as well :

Skype Conference with my gurls!

Had a lovely skype conference session for the first time with my two besties, Evon and Esther. The last time three of us gathered together was mid of last year but now the three of us skyping from different location and time at once was just so amazing. Esther being in KL, Evon being in Scotland and me being in Melbourne having girl's heart to heart talk made me feel alive again. We gossiped, chat and laughed for about 2 hours. Obviously the most talked topic for the night was boys. particularly our boyfriends. as usual.

Totally enjoyed the skype session and looking forward to our next conference with more juicy updates...Teeeheeeeee :)


Looking back and I realised how time flies, this is a picture we took 3 years ago during our beach trip at Redang and now we're all over the world. How ironic ain't it. but one thing for sure is that friendship will definitely last forever!

Imaginary

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light

In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me

I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clock screaming
Monsters calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops
As they're falling tell a story

If you need to leave the world you live in
Lay your head down and stay a while
Though you may not remember dreaming
Something waits for you to breathe again

tulips

The budding tulips received on my birthday morning from meine schatz




the next day..blooming tulips





taking a final bow in awe of the beauty :)

Denmark, Danes, Danish

I'm on a mission to complete a 1.5k to 2k word essay about the economical, political, social and cultural aspect of Denmark. Since I haven't been to Denmark I had hell lotta research to do because you can't just write an essay based on your initial perception on the country. Thanks to my study tour groupmates whom are pretty helpful in gathering resources. I have pretty much what I need to work on the essay, the toughest part is analysing the sources and note points out of it.

Initially, I thought it was gonna be hard trying to understand a country from scratch. But after reading articles and articles of Denmark, I found the country to be pretty interesting, it definitely has opened up my eyes and heart to a country on the other side of the world which I will be exploring soon enough.

I'm currently working on the 3rd point of the essay and it's the social part. I hope I have enough insipiration to help me complete the remaining of the essay. Sad but true I will learn to enjoy the process while learning more about Denmark.

"Common to all Danes is their tendency to
take the ups and downs of life with a touch
of irony, often self-irony. Foreign spouses
in mixed marriages often complain that
they find it difficult to understand what
their partners really mean because they
tend to say the opposite of what they think,
in keeping with the nature of irony."

another teenage dream.

temperature's dropping
tears drying
heart's filling
making up my mind

the awakening sun

finally cleared my cloudy mind and found the peace i needed for a sunny saturday.

as we lay on the grass and watch the blue skies, i can't help but steal a stare at you, hoping you didn't notice.

and i just realised that i feel i have the world even if you just lie next me.

carissa from malaysia

carissa opened my eyes.
someone ever so proud of malaysia, even prouder than me.
never forgeting her roots or where she came from.
standing up for her race and those who are chinese
you have all my respect.

i will admit that i'm proud to be a Malaysian chinese too :)

malaysia truly asia

i only can say to the left.

mein linke linke platz frei, ich wunschen mier Stefan herbai!

i'm 2+2

thanks mum, dad, and bro for the heart-warming wishes. that's all i need from you all.

thanks stefan for lightening up my morning with tulips and ending the beautiful night with me. thanks for the note.
me love you long long time :)

thanks ed for lending the set to make it all happen. thanks jerry & kevin for the presence.

almost overdosed

rain is falling
my mind is trying
work is pilling
my heart's left wanting

28/09/2010

"I love you so much that only William Shakespeare can describe it"

Quoted at 28 September 2010, 12am

how did we ended up here

One year ago I would hate the position I would be in now.
Why didn't I had a choice to do what I wanted. Why there is always something getting in my way. Why is it so unfair?!
Why? Why? Why?
I blame, I complain, I frown and I sighed.

Now, right where I am standing, looking back I am glad of what had happened. I am thankful for whatever I hated to happen. Because I know if that hadn't happen I wouldn't be here.

I always knew everything happen for a reason. It's the way lives intercept with one another. It's like you will know what the picture is when the final puzzle has been put in place. Only you will realise the beauty of the ending.

But no human can escape uncontentment. When you are at your comfort zone, you start to worry that eventually one day what you have will disappear and you are back to square one.

so you fear, you paranoid and you start losing yourself and regret. and the whole cycle starts again.

you may lose all you had, but one thing you never lose is the fact that you once had it. whether it's good or bad. you know it's what made you who you are today.

When family meets boyfriend

My uncle and aunt came visiting again to Melbourne. They invited me for dinner and specially requested for my german boyfriend to come along. I definitely saw this coming and I was just nervous. I imagine 7 of them versus 2 of us. It's like meeting the judge and jury for a court case except we didn't commit a crime, that's for sure.

I had confidence that Stefan could handle the pressure because he is just too in socialising and interacting with people. It's just me.. thinking too much as usual and doubting.

Luckily, everything was opposite as I feared. My family were friendly and outgoing and both party were clicking along. We had Peking Duck for dinner at Blackburn, good food, good wine, good chat, good laughter. What more can I ask. With my parents far away from me, my uncle, aunts and cousins are definitely my closest relative. For the first time after so many months, I felt like a real family gathering again, this time with one special person I would like to share with.

After dinner, we headed home to Richmond, my old place. We had some relaxing and spent some quality time as family with the cousins and their boyfriends and mine as well.

Stefan learnt some mahjong skills from my aunt and picked up really quick and I guess he had some beginniners luck and even won a few rounds.

Overall the night was wonderful, there was no need of "nervous" feeling at the first point. Definitely a night to remember :)

sweet misery

i day dream and i day dream alot. i day dream even before i sleep.



i often dream of life fastforwarding to some random time and place.



believe me or not i even rehearse a moment that i fear ot anticipate. I rehearse every possible words that i will speak or every possible act that i will do.

the outcome? always 50-50. either the best case or worst case senario.

as expected.

waiting for the touch of the sun

it's freaking spring. where is my sun.

i haven't felt natural sun in a long time. almost a year. funny thing is i was born in a tropical country and i'm complaining about my missing sun.

whatever. i know i will see the sun again and when the time comes when i see the sun again, it will be the time when i need it the most..

Christie and Craig's Visit to Melbourne

Like I mentioned earlier, one of my plans during the semester break was to host my bestie and her boyfriend from KL on a visit to Melbourne.

The first few days was spent touring around Melbourne City and home cooking Malaysian Food which coincide with the Malaysian Independence Day. We had curry chicken and sour onion salad with ABC soup for dinner and I have to admit as a Malaysian, the curry was definitely too spicy for me as well.

On Wednesday and Thurday, we booked a car and had a road trip to Mornington Penninsula on the first day and Great Ocean Road on the second day. We went for wine tasting at Red Hill Estate and the maze garden, visited the 12th Apostle for the first time. Unfortunately I had motion sickness and it didn't make the journey any better. However, when we arrive at the 12th Apostle the rough journey definitely paid off. The view was breathtaking and the day just ended with awesomeness. Here are some pictures to fit my description.